General James Mattis Criticizes Trump (The Tonight Show: At Home Edition Monologue)

-Welcome to “The Tonight Show, “everybody.

I'm Jimmy Fallon.

Thank you so much for watching.

It's been a long and intenseweek in this country, and I really doappreciate you guys tuning in.

And I know a lot ofthese conversations are a little bit uncomfortable, but they need to be had, and we're having them and we'regoing to continue to have them.

So thank you again for joiningme in these conversations.

I think we have a veryinteresting and fun show for you tonight.

The Senator from the great stateof Vermont, Bernie Sanders, is on the program this evening.

Also, she's the head ofThe King Center, the C.

E.

O.

of The King Center.

Her father isDr.

Martin Luther King Jr.

, and her mom isCoretta Scott King.

Dr.

Bernice Kingis here tonight to talk to us.

Also, the very funny Wyatt Cenacis on the show.

We'll close out the show witha performance from Gary Clark Jr.

and The Roots.

But, first, let's get to some news.

♪♪ Well, guys, a former member ofPresident Trump's cabinet is now speaking out against him.

That could be likeone of 900 people, but this one happened to be hisformer Defense Secretary, General James Mattis.

In a statement, General Mattis said, “Donald Trump is the firstpresident in my lifetime who does not try to unitethe American people, does not even pretend to try.

Instead, he tries to divide us.

” Trump saw that and was like, “Why don't you be a manand tweet that to my face?” That's right — Trump deniedhe's trying to divide us.

Then he added more fencingbetween him and the protesters.

By the way, in case anyoneforgot who General Mattis is, here's a photo.

He looks like everyScooby-Doo villain who just had his maskyanked off.

Yep, several members of themilitary are criticizing Trump.

At this point, the only military leaders who support him are these guys.

It's sad — even his belovedfriend General Tso has turned on him.

Well, as the nation continuesto deal with a pandemic and protests, it seems like the walls are closing in onPresident Trump, literally.

-President Trump beefing upthe physical barriers between himselfand between protesters.

Construction began before dawnon some additional fencing for The White House complex.

-I personally think thefencing looks great.

I always said, “I wishThe White House looked like a Little League backstop.

” I think the fencewould work well, too, unless protesters resort tothe act of pushing.

Yep, Trump is trying to protectThe White House.

He even ran around puttingbroken Christmas ornaments under windowsand tying rope to paint cans that swing over the staircase.

“Keep the change, you filthy animals.

” So far, Trump has turned offThe White House lights, hid in a bunker, and is now building an ugly chain-link fence.

He's like every crazy neighborrolled into one.

I think Trump has finallyhad enough, 'cause, yesterday he tweeted, “I've done more for blackAmericans, in fact, than any presidentin U.

S.

history, with the possible exceptionof another Republican president, the late, great Abraham Lincoln, and it's not even close.

” Yeah, with the possibleexception of Lincoln.

Yeah, sure.

He did — I don't know what –He did some things.

But me first, then maybeLincoln did something.

But that is a real tweet, and it makes me wonder.

It's like, is there someconnection between Trump and Lincoln thatI don't know? So I have right here –I printed out the actual text of Lincoln'sGettysburg Address.

And it turns out, the jokeis on me.

Here it is, from 1863, the Gettysburg Address.

[ Clears throat ]♪♪ “Four score and seven years ago, our fathers — terrific people, fantastic fathers — brought forth on this continenta new nation conceived in liberty –a beautiful thing, liberty — and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

The most equal.

Couldn't be more equal.

We were met onthe great battlefield — The great, classy field.

Everyone saysit's really classy.

And we're going to dedicate itto those who gave their lives.

But, in a larger sense, we'regoing to dedicate it to me.

We'll put up a sign, a big, beautiful sign, that says “Lincoln Field”in huge, gold letters with a golf courseand pro club and a cabana bar.

Now we are engagedin a great civil war, and it's very unfair how I'vebeen treated during this war.

The newspapers have not treatedLincoln nicely.

They've said nasty things, very nasty.

You don't see them sayingthose bad things about Sleepy General Shermanor Creepy Custer.

Sad! We here highly resolve thatthis nation under God — great God, by the way, good friend of mine — shall have a new birthof freedom, especially when it comes tothe second amendment.

Everyone has the freedomto fire a rifle, place a new bullet, from apouch, in the barrel, bite off the end of thegunpowder pouch, take out a long stick, shove all of that down the barrel, and fire again.

And if people want to fire asmany as one bullet every three minutes, no government should be able to stop them, not even the Lincoln government.

And that government of Lincoln, by Lincoln, for Lincoln shall not perish from Earth.

Okay, if you needme, I'll be in my bunker.

” Be best.

” As if Trump isn'tdealing with enough, now social-media companiesare starting to pile on.

-And we're learning right nowthat Snapchat has apparently decided thatit's not gonna promote Donald Trump's pages, saying that it's not gonna amplify voicesthat incite racial violence.

-When Trump heard the news, he puked a rainbow.

He was so mad.

He was like, “They didn't takedown my dance challenge off TikTok, did they?” Finally, you guys we've been inquarantine for months, and a lot of people are doinga lot more online shopping without even really thinking.

Well, I heard about thisnew thing that you can download that helps you put your moneytowards organizations that make a difference.

Check it out.

-Are you a white person about tobuy some dumb crap online to distract yourself right now? Has it occurred to youthat maybe you could donatethat money instead? You can, thanks toHmm.

.

.

You Can Do Better, a new extension for Chromethat takes the money you were going to spendon useless crap you don't need and donates it to organizationsfighting for racial justice.

About to buy a canvas that says “Live, laugh, love, “spelled out on seashells? You're gonna donate instead.

Thinking you might actually needa Bluetooth avocado knife? Ya don't.

Donate instead.

Considering a moon crystalfrom your high-school friend Kaitlyn'sFacebook Marketplace page? Yeah, you're going to bedonating instead.

Also, you should checkin on Kaitlyn.

She's clearly caught upin a pyramid scheme.

Thanks toHmm.

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You Can Do Better, you'll be turning your 3:00 a.

m.

Ambien-induced shopping sprees into social justice in no time.

“But what if I want tobuy a candle shaped like a zebraand donate?”, you might ask.

That's fine, but now you'regonna donate twice, Carol.

And if you're finding it hard totalk to your white relatives, you can install the extensionon their computers, too, because Hmm.

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You Can Do Betteris now compatible with Yahoo!, AOL, and whateverthe hell me.

com is.

So next timeyour cousin Todd tries to buy a 98-pound jug of protein powderthat physically cannot fit on any shelf and will sit onhis kitchen floor for three years, we'll be sure to tell him, “Hmm.

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you can do better, Todd.

” Hmm.

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You Can Do Better — together, we can turn yourbad taste into good action.

Okay, I got to go donate.

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